So,
a month ago, when my life turned upside down due to choices I made, based on
what I felt was intuition, I was severely devastated. On a gloomy morning walk along the reservoir,
a friend and fellow yogi asked me what hurt the most about the unexpected turn
of events.
At
the mercy of my emotions, I explained that I was experiencing a huge sense of
loss. It wasn’t the loss of money or time--I felt that I parted with a precious
friend, a once trusted voice, and all the confidence that went along with her. My
once proud roar turned to no more than a distant murmur—I found myself listening
passively as everyone else told me how to get back on my path to happiness.
I
never found their path. Beneath my feet was pitch black--an old, molting yoga mat that accompanied me since teacher
training.
As
I stood there, eyes closed, digging my toes into the worn out rubber, I
remembered reading somewhere that although winning the lottery usually tipped
the emotional scales at first, most people returned to a certain grade of
happiness within three months. As I began my sun salutations, I hoped that this
freshly resurfaced statistic worked both ways. My emotional scales may have
been tipped, but as long as I fed myself the right nutrients, it would be a
mere matter of time before they tipped back. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese
Buddhist monk, author, poet and peace activists comments eloquently on this
concept:
Nothing can survive without food, not even suffering. No animal or plant can survive without food. In order for our love to survive, we have to feed it. If we don’t feed it, or we feed it the wrong kind of nutrients, our love will die. In a short time, our love can turn into hate. Our suffering, our depression also needs food to survive. If our depression refuses to go away, it’s because we keep feeding it daily.
Asana
awakens the witnessing part of the self. Deepening the physical practice has
been a hands-on way for me to reawaken my inner knowing. Even when all external
things, which can mask themselves as the source of happiness, things like
relationships, cars, jobs, fall away, the inner truth remains: life is divinely
perfect. Seeking shelter on the soil of my mat enables me to refuel my truth, what
is left and still emanating from my center when all else vanished.
While in the heart of my trials, I took a wonderful road trip with beloved ones that helped me clear my mind and create space. Sharing some photos from that beautiful experience.