Friday, December 19, 2014

Death, love, and meditaiton.




A few days ago I was going to Mataram with Marjan. We were driving on his motorbike, and I thought to myself, I am so happy. I was so happy that I feared I would die that day. I have never felt this before. I now know that I was feeling an extended instance of raw bliss. There was a part of me that was (and most likely still is) in fact, dying. My infantile mind didn’t know how to process this and took it as it does most things: rather literally. Fear came, but the vibration of happiness was far more intoxicating. 

I held onto Marjam, the breeze in my hair, the monkeys in the trees, so in love with everything, and I thought, "it must be time to go". I was just too happy, entirely too content, and immediately intimidated by this deep happiness. It felt like an abyss. It felt like it was going to swallow me. At the time, I made no mention of my feelings and tried to brush them away. 
Now I understand. Well, no, I do not understand. But now I have seen a little bit more, and I understand that I didn’t understand (and most likely, don’t understand)much at all. 

"Death always occurs in the present. Death, love, meditation - they all occur in the present. So if you are afraid of death, you cannot love. If you afraid of love, you cannot meditate. If you afraid of meditation, your life will be useless. Useless not in the sense of any purpose, but useless in the sense that you will never be able to feel any bliss in it. It will be futile. It may seem strange to connect these three: love, meditation, death. It is not! They are similar experiences. So if you enter in one, you can enter in the remaining two." - Osho. 

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