Turning 27, on the road.

Intellectually, I understood that a sense of loss was inevitable, but never could I have predicted the ache and longing that I sometimes feel for home and/or the souls that define home. The irony is that one of (the many) reasons I ventured off was because a tiny seed in me never quite felt AT home. With each sunrise, I became increasingly reluctant to grow roots, and thrive, period. Envision the molasses, the thickness of the stagnancy.

To not wilt, I had to leave.

Yes, here I am, putting the overbearingly private facet of my cosmic personality to the side to say: I royally MISS; sometimes there is such an overwhelming sense of longing that the ache almost seems unbearable – especially when I feel all too far removed from everything and everyone. The lessons I am learning are real, raw, and ruthless - one can certainly come at me with a million cliché sayings; knock yourself out in the comments, if you fancy. I’ve already considered and meditated on them all, and am slowly treading from an understanding-self to a knowing-self.

Needless to say, deep inside I was somewhat rattled of the idea of being away from everyone, as I turned, you know, old-er. [ha-ha] I feared I would unwillingly become engulfed by loneliness. But there you all were.

There you all were!

I certainly don’t favor crying in public, but there I was, at some random Japanese restaurant in Bali, face flooded with salty tears, as all of you showered me with love. In all sincerity, I was an emotional storm, a hot mess - thundering with sadness that all of you were not with me, yet simultaneously lighting up and exploding with pure happiness to be able to see all of your bright faces. I was beyond surprised, and it was the BEST surprise. Best surprise I think my heart has ever felt.

I am so grateful for every single one of you. Mami Rudite, Dadi Jim, Tommy, Farfar Tom and Farmor Karen, Vecteev Alfons un Vecmamma, David, Emmie, Shanti, Frankie, Michael, Jess, Jessica, Woo, Shahrazad, Kelly, Kamille, Rasmus, Simon, Natalie, Courtney, Kristiine, and Tanja. 

Thank you for making, yes, m.a.k.i.n.g my life, for loving me, and accepting my love.Lionda, not even Kings have what we have. It is precious. It is irreplaceable, I am grateful and I vow to nurture it with utmost care for the rest of my life. Paldies par vakardienu, un katru dienu, dupsis fruktis.