Stay open, stay soft.

 

 

I did a self practice today, packed with deep heart openers, and long forward folds. This version of Bon Iver's Beth/Rest kept me company, and the combination of soft music and strong movement helped me open, release, and still. Moments like these remind me why I love the practice, why I love to teach, and why, no matter what excuse my monkey mind can muster up, I return to the mat. When all else fails, when it seems like no one is around, I know I have that. I am never alone. Heavy mitted love and shadows are always with me.

I met an amazing woman the other day. She told me that intimacy requires vulnerability. And vulnerability requires self love. Mid conversation, I had to interrupt her, and write this down. She was a complete stranger, but that day, I was open to her and what she had to say. Someone else could have said it, and I may not have heard them. No one and nothing is mere coincidence. 

It struck a rich and thick chord. Strength, maybe even the illusion of strength, is a type of defense mechanism for me, a faulty fight or flight response. I know how to "be strong" and how to "act strong", but it doesn't always make me approachable, and it doesn't always harbor a space for long lasting and meaningful relationships. Most importantly, it isn't always my truth.

This week my boss/close friend asked me to consider the "vibe" I give off, insinuating that the person that I am is not always the person that people get to meet. And after asking Lionda, my sissi, some advice on matters of the heart, she laughed and pointed out how great my intuition was in every area of life, except for when it comes to that sphere.

So my question is: how many heart opening poses do I have to do to become more in tune with this side of myself? [Just joking. Maybe. Sort of.] The work ON the mat sometimes seems so much easier than the work OFF the mat. But that is my work. That is where I need to go. That is where I want to be.

The sweetest fruit is out on the limb.

 I will stay strong, and at the tip of my strength ...

... I will learn to melt and soften.